Sometimes, all you need is just a fragment

There have been certain situations that have cropped up all around me that have elicited a lot of introspection as of late. And the aforementioned introspection meandered to a specific time in my life where I learned a specific lesson.

When, at 18, I braved the school down south, I embraced my new-found independence with the zeal of a kid in a candy store. (Assuming that most kids enjoy candy... I know I did. Pop rocks, anyone?) I had all of these ideas in my head-- that I could work 20-30 hours a week, have a social life and graduate summa cum-laude-- and all whilst wearing stiletto heels. (Okay, maybe not that last bit, but you get the idea.) And, even though I always had some underlying sense that I would not meet my future husband in college, the odds were kind of stacked against me. (Secretly, I didn't mind much about that either. That was back when I thought I'd totally be married by 21. Because I'd be so old. Ha.)

As I dove into collegiate dating life (perhaps sticking my toe in would be a better analogy, because I don't dive), I found that it was not as I expected. That though the men I dated were older than me, they weren't really. Meaning that I felt like I was still in high school... that I was experiencing superficiality at its finest. If that all makes sense.

I think after awhile though, at least in my case, certain aspects of that superficiality began to masquerade as depth. I always knew exactly what I wanted... but I got really good at making excuses. I knew that I was losing objectivity, and I felt that no matter where I turned, who I dated, it always cycled back to the same feeling, that something was missing... accompanied with the feeling that I was tired of caring.

Basically, there were many nights spent on my knees in prayer, usually amid tears. I pled with God a lot during those four years. Prayers of discouragement and dejectedness. Prayers filled with questions and desires. I mean, I just wanted to know that it would all work out... you know? I just wanted to know that I would find my someone. Someday.

And, through all of this, the lesson I learned was to trust in Him.

Completely. Unreservedly. TRUST.

Trust that he knows me better than I could ever know myself. Trust that if I tried my best to align my will with His, that I would be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Trust that He has a plan for me. And even if I could only initially offer Him a mere fragment of faith... it would be enough to begin a building block that would help sustain me through the tough times.

Sometimes I think it takes a lot, to exhibit faith and trust. Especially in God. I think that our finite minds cannot fully comprehend God's plan for us. It was meant to be that way, to test us, to try us. To help us to realize that we do need Him... not because we're forced to need Him, but because we want to need Him. (And because, honestly, without Him, we wouldn't and couldn't be.)

I have always loved the phrase that says, more or less: "Pray as if everything depends on God and work as if everything depends on you." I think it signifies the importance that we have to continually seek to improve ourselves, all whist exhibiting some faith and trust. Sure, it's not easy, but I think it just may be worth it. (Aka, totally worth it.)

Sorry, I think this turned out to be a bit more religious than I initially intended... but my belief in God is so much a part of who I am, that I guess it's bound to manifest itself here.

{image by ta, found here}

isn't it interesting

how one negative statement can derail dozens of positive ones? i find this concept to be most interesting. especially amongst women. why is it that we are so hard on ourselves? on our bodies? on the way we look, act and feel in general?

the thing is, i think we so often forget that we are special, unique, created by a higher power. this thought made me think of a line from one of my favorite children's books, You Are Special, by max lucado. to briefly summarize, it tells the tale of punchinello, a little wooden person called a wemmick. and wemmicks spend their days giving each other stickers, gold stars to "good" wemmicks and black dots to "not so good" wemmicks. punchinello finds himself in the latter category and is quite disheartened by this. that is until he meets a wemmick who has no stickers on her at all. she tells him to go see eli, the woodcarver, where he discovers that the stickers will only stick to him if he lets them. in one of my favorite lines from the book, eli tells punchinello, "remember, you are special because i made you. and i don't make mistakes."

perhaps this little analogy may come across as a bit cheesy... but i think the message is profound...

we are special because God made us, and He doesn't make mistakes.


image found via wikimedia

Some love for my brother Joe

As many of you know, in September my brother Joe left to go serve an LDS mission in Goiania, Brazil. The family got to converse with him briefly (we got a total of 40 minutes) on Christmas Day and won't get to speak with him again until Mother's Day.

Why do I write all this, you ask? Because my bro has been pretty sick down there. He couldn't email us last week because he was at the doctor again, trying to figure out what's causing him to be so sick. Initially, they thought he had an intestinal infection, which may have been complicated by dehydration. But it's been slightly unsettling because no one is exactly sure what's wrong with him. In spite of it all, he's had such a great attitude about this whole thing and has really downplayed it to the family. It was only when my dad was talking to him on the phone on Christmas Day that we realized that he'd been so sick that he went to the hospital.

He's my little brother, and I'm worried about him, but am also so proud of his strength amid adversity. He's been so faithful and has worked so hard, and it breaks my heart to think that he is suffering. So I humbly ask you, my blog peeps, to throw up some extra prayers/good vibes/happy thoughts for my brother, Joe. It would be greatly appreciated.




**UPDATE: Joe wrote us this week and said that he is feeling much better. Thanks for your support and prayers!!**

When you have a gratitude attitude

On the eve of the great day of Thanksgiving, I thought it would be fitting and prudent to share some of the things that I am grateful for. So this won't necessarily be the most original post, but it will be one of my most sincere. Lately, there have been a few, shall we say, "difficulties" that have surfaced in my life and in the lives of people that I love. And these events have given me pause and have caused me to evaluate what is most important in my life. Through all of this introspection, I have come to one emphatic conclusion:

I have been blessed...

by husband, who I love more deeply than I ever thought was possible and who is my best friend. He is my favorite person in the entire universe and we have so much fun together. [I obvi could go on and on and on, but you get the idea. :)]

by a phenomenal family with kick butt parents who have always been a source of love and support. And my siblings are the best siblings of all the siblings. This also includes my amazing extended family and in-laws as well. Just fyi.

by my beliefs. For the knowledge I have of the nature of God and of Jesus Christ. For the fact that I know that Jesus is my Savior, that there is a plan for us all, that we have a purpose in this life and in the life to come.

by my friends. Who come from California to attend my wedding... who drive an hour just to have dinner with me... who keep me sane at work... who find me via the blogosphere... who constantly support me and lift me up through various means. I treasure you all.

by the beauty of my surroundings. I live in a beautiful place. And my apartment's not bad either. Especially when husband's in it. (Because, in case I haven't told you yet, he's pretty good looking.)

by the knowledge I have acquired over the years. Not saying I'm the brightest bulb in the tanning bed, but I love the fact that I have the ability to learn. To expand my knowledge in whichever direction I choose. I had the blessing of attending school and receiving a higher education, which I realize is a gift. Not everyone is afforded this same privilege. I am lucky to be in the circumstance I am in.

by my job. So maybe I don't love it all of the time. Maybe I don't love it most of the time. But the fact that I have a job that pays me well during this difficult economic time is such a blessing.

by the people who surround me. I have decided that I need to exercise more patience. The people that I interact with on a daily basis (in the form of angry callers or verbally abusive transients) have helped me to develop this trait. I have a long way to go I fear, but think I am improving little by little.

I think I will stop there, just so I don't bore you all with a list that could go on indefinitely. I just love this time of year because it affords us all a moment that we can stop and contemplate the blessings and goodness in our lives. It is a time where we have the opportunity to shed the worries that plague us all and feel happiness for the blessings we do have.

Happy Turkey Day everyone. Eat lots of pie. :)

(PS, if anyone can tell me where I got the inspiration for the title of this post, you're my new favorite person.)

Farewell Joseph, my broseph

As my post a few months ago indicated, my brother Joe was called to serve a mission for our church in Goiania, Brazil. He left for Brazil to enter the Missionary Training Center on Tuesday, and I already miss him.

I never realized how young nineteen really is until now. When I was a little kid I thought that missionaries seemed so old, that nineteen was some lofty (and old) age. But really, you're still just a kid. You're just beginning to figure out who you are.

That's why I'm so proud of Joe. He's putting college and baseball on hold so that he can serve our Heavenly Father for 24 months. He has exhibited such strength and such faith and is an incredible inspiration and example. I love him and I will miss him. But there's no where else I'd rather have him be.

All the sibies

The night before he left

Saying goodbye at the airport

Mark Sr. and Mark Jr.

A Brief Tribute

As many of you have heard, President Gordon B. Hinkley, prophet and president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, passed away last night. I just wanted to briefly address my personal gratitude for this great man. I believe that he was and is a prophet of God, just as Moses of old, and I believe that he led by example and with righteousness. He will be sorely missed by all Latter-day Saints worldwide, though we know that he is in a better place. And though it saddens me that his amazing tenure as prophet has concluded, I am grateful that, at last, he can rest.