Ch-ch-changes.

It was the Friday after Memorial Day three years ago that my (old) boss came downstairs with a certain look on her face that communicated nothing and everything at the same time. "They want to see you upstairs," she said. And I knew what that meant.

At the time, it was a pretty horrendous experience (one that I will happily give you all the details about off the record)... but it turned out to be a huge benefit to my career and to my personal well-being.

Which is why it is thoroughly ironic that this year, on the Friday after Memorial Day, I walked into my (current) boss's office and gave him my notice. This action was not preceded by a disdain for my job or my coworkers or anything like that; rather, it was based upon something infinitely more personal. I had reached a point where I felt that I had to choose between my career and my child. And while the choice felt obvious, it wasn't easy.

For the past ten months, I've been in the unique position of having a foot in two disparate camps: the stay-at-home mothers and the working mothers. I've always had a disdain for the idea that these groups often seem to oppose each other. I touched on that idea a bit in a previous post, but I have to say that now that I am a mother, and a working mother at that, I think I have a better insight into the complexities of this issue.

My choice to go back to work following the birth of my daughter was not a simple one, but one that my husband and I decided was the best decision for our family at the time. The company I work for generously allowed me to come back at slightly reduced hours and gave me the flexibility to work some of that time from home. And oh the health benefits. Let's just say that because of said benefits, Sofia's NICU bills (and her birthing costs) were not in any way prohibitive. Greg was finishing up law school at the time, and it felt selfish of me to stay home with her when it felt like this work opportunity would be such a benefit to my little family. Plus, I really loved (and still love) my job.

[By the way, isn't it a bit sad that I feel like I have to defend my choice to go back to work?]

I'll be honest when I say that I felt a bit of judgement come upon me from the stay-at-home set. Which I fully expected, but didn't enjoy. But I also felt a bit of judgement come from the other side, from the working set, because I wasn't working enough. Which was less expected but equally undesirable.

I had this epiphany one day that pretty much substantiated what I'd already been thinking. It basically revolves around the idea that we as women should stop judging each other. You can never fully know another person's situation or the motivation and intentions behind how they parent. I know women who work who make more time for and pay more attention to their children than a lot of women who stay at home. (Don't get me started on that, because I might start sounding a bit judgy. Because what. in. the. hell. do you do all day? Pinterest can't be that all-consuming. Can it?) I also know women who have eschewed illustrious and fulfilling careers to stay at home who have done so in order to be fully present and committed to the rearing and development of their children. (Ladies, I salute you.) And I also know women who work who have to work to support their families, who would love to have the option to stay at home, but who literally cannot. (It really sucks that women don't have better options, people. That's what we should really be focusing on. Seriously.)

Like I mentioned above, the reason I did what I did is because things got to a point where I felt that I had no other option but to choose between my career and my child. (Remember how I mentioned it sucks that women don't have better options?) So obviously, I'm going to pick my child. And not just because she's cute and has mastered some mad dance skills, but because I do want to be more actively involved in raising her and watching her grow.

Frankly, I'm a bit scared. Scared because I am beginning to understand the level of commitment that it takes to raise a decent human being, and that is now going to encompass more of my time. (Since she was born, she's either been with me, my husband or my mother.) Thus, she's not going to be able to interact with her dad as much or with her grandma, and that makes me a bit sad. Because they're pretty damn amazing. It's also scary to give up such a great job, in this economy, and one that I know I'm good at. Because I don't always feel like I'm the best parent. It's just not something that you can ever be perfect at, and that irks me.

All of that aside, I am excited to begin this new phase of my life, this new career, if you will. Though I will be sad to leave my job and the amazing people I work with, I know that I have a vivacious and giggly little girl at home who likes to read stories and play with her mom's shoes and cuddle when she's sleepy. And that's pretty amazing too.

My little ham

And then there was a swearing in, commencement, a holiday and some pretty flowers.

Highlights of the past little while...
     - Yellow pants
     - Official "lawyerdom"
     - Commencement
     - Peonies(!) for Mother's Day
     - Spring flowers
     - Outdoor mall excursioning
     - Collectively keeping up with an active ten month old while working a combined three jobs

It's a momentous day peeps

because whether or not you voted for him, or even like him, Barack Obama will be our new President in a little more than an hour. This is history, folks. It's a big deal. And to be honest, I have never been more excited for a new President as I am today.

(And for those of you who still think he's a Muslim--not that there's anything wrong with that--he will be sworn in on the same Bible that Abraham Lincoln used. Just fyi.)

I am hopeful, I am happy. I am thrilled for the future of this nation. Welcome, President Obama. I'm ready for some change.

When you have a gratitude attitude

On the eve of the great day of Thanksgiving, I thought it would be fitting and prudent to share some of the things that I am grateful for. So this won't necessarily be the most original post, but it will be one of my most sincere. Lately, there have been a few, shall we say, "difficulties" that have surfaced in my life and in the lives of people that I love. And these events have given me pause and have caused me to evaluate what is most important in my life. Through all of this introspection, I have come to one emphatic conclusion:

I have been blessed...

by husband, who I love more deeply than I ever thought was possible and who is my best friend. He is my favorite person in the entire universe and we have so much fun together. [I obvi could go on and on and on, but you get the idea. :)]

by a phenomenal family with kick butt parents who have always been a source of love and support. And my siblings are the best siblings of all the siblings. This also includes my amazing extended family and in-laws as well. Just fyi.

by my beliefs. For the knowledge I have of the nature of God and of Jesus Christ. For the fact that I know that Jesus is my Savior, that there is a plan for us all, that we have a purpose in this life and in the life to come.

by my friends. Who come from California to attend my wedding... who drive an hour just to have dinner with me... who keep me sane at work... who find me via the blogosphere... who constantly support me and lift me up through various means. I treasure you all.

by the beauty of my surroundings. I live in a beautiful place. And my apartment's not bad either. Especially when husband's in it. (Because, in case I haven't told you yet, he's pretty good looking.)

by the knowledge I have acquired over the years. Not saying I'm the brightest bulb in the tanning bed, but I love the fact that I have the ability to learn. To expand my knowledge in whichever direction I choose. I had the blessing of attending school and receiving a higher education, which I realize is a gift. Not everyone is afforded this same privilege. I am lucky to be in the circumstance I am in.

by my job. So maybe I don't love it all of the time. Maybe I don't love it most of the time. But the fact that I have a job that pays me well during this difficult economic time is such a blessing.

by the people who surround me. I have decided that I need to exercise more patience. The people that I interact with on a daily basis (in the form of angry callers or verbally abusive transients) have helped me to develop this trait. I have a long way to go I fear, but think I am improving little by little.

I think I will stop there, just so I don't bore you all with a list that could go on indefinitely. I just love this time of year because it affords us all a moment that we can stop and contemplate the blessings and goodness in our lives. It is a time where we have the opportunity to shed the worries that plague us all and feel happiness for the blessings we do have.

Happy Turkey Day everyone. Eat lots of pie. :)

(PS, if anyone can tell me where I got the inspiration for the title of this post, you're my new favorite person.)

A momentous day

Yesterday was a momentous day. A historical day in the nation's history. Barack Obama was elected President of the United States. To me, this election has never been about race, but about the issues that face this nation; however last night, for the first time, I fully realized that I was experiencing history. That I could tell my kids and their kids where I was when the first African American President of the United States was elected, that I voted for him, that the efforts of so many people (of all races, religions and walks of life) to unify this nation were furthered this November night.

It was also the first night I was impressed by McCain. His concession speech was poignant and thoroughly respectful. And I could tell that even though he was disappointed by his defeat and even though he disagrees with his former opponent, McCain realizes that Obama, too, loves this nation and wants it to flourish.

Obama's speech was beautiful. And I have to admit that I got a little teary when the cameras panned the crowd, and so many were overcome with emotion. To see the Reverend Jesse Jackson (who I do not fully agree with, but still respect) in tears was moving. He, who walked with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was able to see just how far we've come since the beginning days of the civil rights movement. Incredible.

It was a speech that instilled a sense of hope, a sense of peace and a sense of pride for this great nation. It was a speech that was not boastful, but thankful. It was a speech that was quietly powerful and perfectly executed. It was a speech fit for the President.

And I was able to see it.

(courtesy of The San Francisco Sentinel)

The bro's mission call and other musings...

Well kids, it's official: my little brother Joe has been called to serve in the Brazil Goiania mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He'll leave on September 24th and serve for two years. I'm just going to take a moment of personal indulgence (wait a minute... this blog is full of personal indulgence... who am i kidding) and publicly tell my brother how proud I am that he has chosen to serve a full time mission. I am becoming increasingly aware of how big of a sacrifice a mission truly is. My brother is putting his college baseball career and other activities on the back burner to serve the Lord. What an utter act of faith. Whether you agree with my religion or not, it is obvious that these 19 year old boys believe in it enough that they're willing to put their life on hold for two years, and for that, they should all be commended. Joe, I am so glad you have chosen to serve a mission, and I feel so blessed to be your sister; the people of Goiania are going to love you.

Yesterday was a pretty crazy work day. I didn't even have time to check the blog, let alone write something. I had to proof two websites and write a feature story. Which was a great opportunity, and I'm glad I was asked to do it. It was nice to have a day where I felt like I was constantly busy and constantly being challenged. That doesn't happen to me a lot. Unfortunately, now my eyes and brain are saying "did you actually think we'd be ok with you incessantly pouring over a computer screen for nine hours?" So yeah, a residual headache and subsequent blurry eyes are my only casualties in the war of scrambling to get everything done day. (Trust me, proofing websites is tough. It's pretty comprehensive, and if the site is still in its infancy, it can prove quite convoluted and difficult to wade through. I was seriously an inch away from my screen trying not to miss anything.)

And that's about the it for now. I can't believe it took me almost a week to post... I must be losing my edge. ;)

Happy Birthday Greg!!

Well kids, we're back from the NY as of 9:00 last night, so unfortunately I was unable to write this yesterday, on Greg's actual birthday. Those of you whom are constant visitors to the blog know that I have the propensity to gush about my wonderful husband, but he's just so great, I'm going to have to do it again. After getting this idea from a great friend, I am going to expound 24 of the reasons why I love my Greg, personalized to him. Ti amo un monte, mio amore! Thanks for six great months and more to come!

Just a few reasons why I love you...

1. You are really patient with me.
2. You are amazingly intelligent.
3. You hold my hair back for me when I'm throwing up. [Yup, I got food poisoning on our trip.]
4. You constantly strive to be better and help me to be better in all facets of our lives.
5. You're really, really ridiculously good looking.
6. You honor your Priesthood.
7. You always put others before yourself.
8. You're my best friend.
9. You are supportive of me and the decisions I make.
10. You've got a witty sense of humor.
11. You've got dance moves like I've never seen.
12. You're a hard worker.
13. We can have an intelligent conversation about almost anything.
14. You like to read as much I as do.
15. You are a thoughtful and conscientious person.
16. You look cute in your soccer shorts.
17. The way you get embarrassed when I make comments like the above.
18. You tell me that I'm beautiful and I actually believe you!
19. You care about our family.
20. You are great at the guitar.
21. The way you sing the hymns at church.
22. The example you are to my little brothers.
23. You're a great cook.
24. You're mine forever. :D

Can I get a...

Booya for Greg!? Ok, this is another shoutout to my amazing husband who just got promoted at work! He's such a hard worker and does such great work, it's nice to see him progress in the company. So yay for Greg and all of his hard work. I seriously have the best husband. Sorry to the rest of you, but it's totes true. :D

Yay for Greggy!

Hey all, you'll have to indulge me a little bit with this one because I'm going to brag about my way awesome husband, and how he is absolutely dominating at his place of employment. He works at a software company as an Assistant Account Manager... and he is by far the most successful of his group. He just helped substantiate a major deal for the company, and so I just wanted to publicly congratulate him and to say how lucky I am to have such a great, hard-working husband.