me.

i've always been quite introspective.

painfully shy in my younger years, i spent a lot of time by myself. with my books. with the tv. oft times both in tandem, for i have always loved to multitask. school (well, learning in general) also became my passion and my obsession.

there was a space of time in which i kept a journal for six years where i wrote every single day. and sometimes when i peruse through these writings i wish i'd been less specific. for often i felt like i was merely an observer of my own life... that i was too busy focusing on what was next (or too busy looking back) that i missed the present.

i think a lot of us are like this to some degree. i remember my mother counseling me to enjoy each phase of my life and to not wish it away. but when i was a child i couldn't fully appreciate the wisdom of these words. i always wanted to be older, to be on to the next step, to know where i was headed. thankfully, i don't feel that way anymore.

that's not to say i didn't have a lovely childhood filled with beautiful memories, surrounded by an incredibly loving family. i am blessed to have a largely unblemished childhood that was happy and fulfilling.

i just think i'm my own worst enemy sometimes.

i'm all together too hard on myself. so self critical that it's at times overwhelming, like a giant rock upon my chest. i don't think my ocd mitigates this at all... in fact, i'm embracing the fact that this impediment is perhaps its cause.

i am sometimes utterly debilitated by my insecurities.

it's something that i have to constantly work on... staving away the little girl who is so sensitive and so shy that everything but her own mind is intimidating.

i don't really feel that way anymore... mostly.

because i finally have embraced the person that i was, am and will become. because i am lucky and blessed to have a knowledge of this life's greater purpose and know that i am indeed a child of a loving and compassionate God. because i am loved by many people whom i also love, adore and respect. because i am at a point in my life where i feel that a new and beautiful phase is just beginning, that i am beginning it as a part of a whole.

and i appreciate the experiences i have passed through to get here.