I'm just not attracted to you

It is because I married the most incredible (not to mention gorgeous) man on the planet that I can share the following story with you all without feeling horrendously abashed. What happened felt like something out of a bad made-for-tv-movie about college or something. (You know, the one where one of the characters is scorned by a love interest and then goes nuts?) Only I didn't go insane and kill people. And the term "love interest" is probably a little too strong as well. But I digress...

Let's go back to the late summer/early fall of 2005, shall we? We have me, in my lovely 102 pound and tanner form (what was I thinking frying my skin like that?) struggling in the world that is dating. I had wasted a whole chunk of my collegiate time being involved and then not involved with someone who really wasn't worth my time, and was looking for a new, happier pursuit.

So naturally I would start hanging out with his next door neighbor. (I know, I know, I suck.)

In my defense, "John" and I had been friends for awhile... sharing a bunch of common friends and typically a lunch table at The Terrace (right off the Cougar Eat... mmm). I didn't really think he was that cute, just really nice and genuine. A welcome change from what I was used to.

Since I didn't have ESPN, "John" generously allowed me to come over and watch all my Yankees games, and so we ended up hanging out just the two of us. We never really went on a date, but I started to think that maybe I could like him that way... eventually... and at any rate, it was just fun to have a friend to watch sports with. And ok, I'm woman enough to admit that I derived some pleasure from knowing that it drove a certain someone kind of crazy... but I was really immature back then. I have now found ZEN. ;)

So one Sunday night, "John" calls for a chat and says he'll meet up with me tomorrow at lunch (with the rest of our buds) as usual. Monday rolls around, and no "John." He didn't show up that whole week actually, so by Saturday I thought it best to send him a text and see if something was up. Almost immediately I get a response that says "I can't talk about it right now. I'll call you tomorrow."

Ooh, how I love a cryptic and intriguing text.

So I get a call from him the next day. And he's totally shooting the breeze and dancing around some issue he was having. So I just cut the crap and asked him if something was wrong. (At this point I'm thinking he's got some rare disease and has ten days to live or something.) He stammers and sputters and finally gets it out in the open:

"Um... the thing is... I'm just not attracted to you."

Was that all? I quickly suppressed a giggle, because, let's be honest, I was having the exact same thought over the past couple of weeks... and we hadn't even been on a date, so why was he stressing? He felt bad though, so I quickly swallowed my laughter and asked if we were still "cool" (per my lovely college slang) and whatnot. At that point the laughter began to erupt and I had to end the convo.

I'd be lying though if my pride didn't take a hit. No one, and I mean NO ONE wants to be told that they are not attractive. (And yes, I realize that he was not saying that I was universally ugly; rather, that I was not his type of pretty, but COME ON.) I still cringe occasionally when I think about it. But the great thing is, his honesty preserved our friendship. Things weren't weird after that at all. In a way, it was refreshing to encounter such honesty.

I guess at the end of the day, I prefer it that way.

(Besides I ended up with someone who surpasses every paltry standard I held for guys when I was in college, which is both relieving and gratifying. Now I can share these stories without wanting to sob into my pillow lamenting my single status. There were times when I did that a lot. Which is also an embarrassing admission. Oh well.)