Monday, April 14, 2008

What to do, what to do...

Even as a child, my future path was always set in stone. In my ten year old mind I would go to college somewhere great, with straight A's, and then go to Harvard Law School and become the best attorney in the entire world, after having my kids and raising them to be the most amazing human beings on the planet, that is.

As I grew older I could still picture myself in a court room, impeccably dressed in an expensive, yet feminine suit (on the modest end, Banana, and on the high end Dolce), happily litigating my way through life, maybe without my perfect husband and children. I think it helped me get through my dysfunctional dating years... telling myself that a career could perhaps fill that void that I began to think I'd never attain.

I went through a phase where I could not conceive that I would ever get married. I seemed to attract/be attracted to the exact opposite of what I always thought I wanted in a man, and it frustrated me to no end. High school was not exactly a dating party for me, but I was fine with that because I knew that the brilliant beam of light that is college readily awaited me. But then I went to BYU and realized that I had some delusions of relationship grandeur. (And thanks to my journal, myriad entertaining stories.)

Still, a voice in my head told me to wait, to not take the LSAT class with Ash and to take a year off after graduation to think things over. It was a leap of faith, but I'm glad I did it. I'm not necessarily condoning the putting off of future plans in the hope you'll suddenly be swept off your feet; rather, I am saying that listening to that little voice inside your head (or in more religious terms, the Spirit) pays off in the end. I'm glad I didn't stubbornly stick to my plan. Sure, I'm somewhere different than I thought I'd be five years ago, and that's what makes life great. I wouldn't have gone to Africa, lived with my aunt and uncle, discovered that I love to write more than anything else and most importantly, I would have never married Greg.

So yay for changing plans and for once shedding my stubborn exterior to be open to another path. I can tell you honestly that my role as a wife trumps anything I've ever felt scholastically or professionally. I'll take being the admin at my job over high-powered litigation any day, because I know that I chose the scarier path, the path that was meant for me.

5 comments:

Josh & Kenna said...

Lauren, you must know that I am so proud of you. Your ability to hear and head the promptings you feel is an ability that I am not quite tapped into yet. You are blessed because of you decisions and because of your willingness to submit to the will of your Father, not the will of you.

Brad & Britt said...

wait...i am just putting this together....but are you related to Scott Lalli? if so, my mom and him work very close together and he is such a great guy!

Kelly and Stacey said...

Good Choice!

Clayton & Amber said...

Laur, I love your post about the sweet lady down the street. It makes me wonder how many times I pass up opportunities to do something small that may mean a lot to someone else. I have always valued that in you, Lauren. You pick yourself up and look for the good...all while helping others. Hope all goes well.

Ashley said...

Amen to that sermon. I feel the same thing everyday...although I still want the expensive suits and the law degree, I know I can't have it all and I got the better part.