Monday, June 1, 2009

Phases

Last night was the first time in a long that I yearned to go to work.

It hit me suddenly, intensely... inexplicably.

It's like I wanted it so badly simply because I could no longer have it.

I am going through these interesting phases of emotion that, in spite of my brain's best pragmatic efforts, have spilled over. Multiple times. Not because I loved my job, but because I put everything I had into it. For the better part of three years. Because during that time in my professional life the best things in my personal life happened. Because I care about so many of the people I used to work with.

There are moments where I am overcome by a feeling of loss (perhaps it's fitting that my termination happened in Steve's old office, so it'll always be inextricably tied to that sadness)... there are moments when I feel hurt, betrayed... there are moments when I feel like a giant weight has been lifted off my chest...

there are moments when I just cry,
when I just release it all.

My brain knows that this is for the best. That there is something out there for me that will be better. My heart is just trying to catch up. (I think/hope/pray it's almost there.)

It certainly helps that the one I love most has taken me in his arms, tucked me into my favorite nook under his arm, and simply let me release. Who wipes away the tears and assures me that we will be ok. And I know we will be.

I have the things that matter most, and for that I feel richly blessed.

Because a job is just a job.

7 comments:

Allison and Noah Riley said...

Just wanted to let you know you've been in my thoughts this week. I hope you're doing okay - sure thinking of you a lot.

Kenna said...

Beautifully written.

You can do this, no doubt. There are bigger and better things.

Just find a job that lets you chat with me mmk? I miss you.

Cliff, Kendal and Stone said...

Oh friend, I am so sorry. You TRULY will be missed. Truly. But you are right, there is something else out there. Now you can go be a copywriter. s.e.r.i.o.u.s.l.y.

keep your head up.

Stacey said...

Well, you know what this means.... I guess it's time to start writing that book of yours :)

Shannon said...

I cried reading this post, for two reasons:

1. I feel for you right now.
2. Your description of having your own little nook in your hub's arm and how he wipes away your tears. What a loving and tender image.

Hope your having a great day, my friend.

torileigh said...

Low Ride...I'm so sad for you right now. But I know you and the kind of person you are--and I know that you can take situations like this and use them to learn and grow and be a stronger, better person (if that's even possible!). But I love you lots--and if you ever need ANYTHING...

Whitney said...

i have been thinking about you a lot. you are truly an amazing person! and i know you will find something that will be better than just a job. but in the meantime i am so glad you have greg. and i hope you know that you were amazing at what you did! i just love ya girl! thanks for sharing your feelings!