And then there was a swearing in, commencement, a holiday and some pretty flowers.

Highlights of the past little while...
     - Yellow pants
     - Official "lawyerdom"
     - Commencement
     - Peonies(!) for Mother's Day
     - Spring flowers
     - Outdoor mall excursioning
     - Collectively keeping up with an active ten month old while working a combined three jobs

The one where I keel over in exhaustion

You. Guys.

I am nearing the point where I know I will (figuratively) hit the wall. (I say figuratively, since I literally hit some wall or another every 1.45 days on average. Literally.) There's only so much a person can take on at once before said person (again, figuratively) explodes. (Luckily, I do not literally explode every 1.45 days on average. Because that seems like it would be quite painful. Not to mention messy.)

I am the type of person that thinks she can take on an inordinate amount of tasks and do them all perfectly and on time. Regretfully, this is not the case. As much as I hate to admit it, it's just not physically possible.

The sad part? There are so many more things I'd like to be able to do. So many more things on my to-do list that haven't even been thought about. And yet there's a part of me that knows that this time won't last forever. In fact, it will fly by. So as close as I am to that wall, I am grateful for this day, for this phase of my life.

Because, all craziness aside, it's a pretty great phase.

I am one lucky human, let me tell you what.

One month ago today

I became a mother.

In that time, my little peanut has grown from this...

to this.

And she still doesn't really fit into any of her clothes. (But yay for finally hitting the seven pound mark. Well six pounds fifteen ounces... but that's close enough, right?)

What blows my mind is that I'm still three days away from my due date. The unexpectedness of her arrival and the subsequent events that my husband and I have been through with her are all still hard to fully fathom. We are sleep deprived and fumbling our way through this whole parenting thing, but are grateful for and savoring every moment.

It's typically the quiet moments in the middle of the night, when I look at her darling little face through my bleary eyes, that I marvel that she is mine. And it's in those same moments that my heart twinges just a little bit, because I know that this time in her life will fly by. It already is flying by. So my gratitude is amplified in that moment for the time I get to spend with my beautiful little newborn.

Happy one month, my little sweet.

Another thoroughly legitimate reason regarding why I haven't been blogging much lately

Besides the 50 hour weeks I've been pulling... the 5K I've volunteered to do PR for... and the book I'm in the process of getting started... I've been a little bit occupied with something else...

Me at 15 weeks

incubating my own little fetus.

The husb and I are really quite excited for this next phase in our lives. It's a bit surreal and a bit intimidating, but nonetheless really fantastic.

We find out the gender next week, so stay tuned. (And, just for kicks and giggles, I've added a little poll to the blog so that you can cast your vote as to what you think the gender of our little fetus is. We have no idea.) 

Hyperbole meets happiness

Today I started composing a post that was downright depressing. I think I started writing such a post because lately, I feel as if my reserves are almost empty. Do you ever feel like that? Like all of your energy, your patience, your ability to be understanding are diminished to the point where you're scraping at the bottom of the barrel to regain some composure? (Perhaps a hyperbolic way to describe such a feeling, but hey, that what happens when the writer of this blog watches too much The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Only kidding... or am I?)

At any rate, instead of focusing on all of the reasons why I'm losing faith in the overarching rationality of humankind in general (insert more hyperbole here), I wanted to write about something that is truly wonderful. This story involves one of my favorite people, who has been on the quest to become a mom for a long time. I won't get into the specifics here, but the result of this oft-times horrific journey is this:

photo taken by red brick photography

Aren't they the cutest little family in the history of the universe? I can't wait to meet this little guy. This story reminds me that life is beautiful, that God is good. That going through the sad points in life help us achieve true happiness and joy. Because only then can we appreciate what happiness and joy truly are.

So that's all I am going to say for today. 

[Well, and the fact that I'm campaigning to be this little guy's honorary Godmother. Honorary because I'm not Catholic (even though it's in my blood, so does that kind of count?) but think it's a really sacrosanct role, regardless. That I would take very seriously. What do you say, Kenna?]

Little hints of sheer joy

{Have you ever experienced it?}

If there is anything that my recent experiences have taught me, it is that life always contains ups and downs. I've mentioned this before... mentioned how interesting the juxtaposition between these two poles is in the eternal scheme of things... and how maddening it can be sometimes.

It is lately where I have felt the pull of each negative emotion and each positive one stronger than I have in awhile. And as much as I try to decipher my thoughts and feelings, I think that sometimes my reactions have come from deep within, from some organic (and possibly hormonal) place that has lately seemed out of my control. I have been battling with feelings of professional inadequacy and frustration. I have been trying to adjust my body clock to my new hours at work, and have sought to tenuously establish a routine (which has not really worked yet, but it's coming). All of these things have built up and sought to make me feel low, but I am determined to conquer (or at least live in companionable silence with) them all.

Because I believe that though we may not be able control how a feeling is manifested all of the time (girls, you know what I mean) we can control our attitude about said feeling. Though I may be frustrated, I can still choose to be happy in my frustration. Through my tears and everything. I can choose to wallow in negativity, or thrust myself into positivity.

Last night I experienced what I like to call a "little hint of sheer joy." What is said "hint of joy" you ask? Well, I define it as those little moments that occur in life that leave me feeling completely joyful. For instance, last night, the one I love most put on Bon Iver, and we folded laundry together. As we were putting the clothes away, I was just goofing around, trying to make him laugh. And when he did laugh, my heart fluttered and it felt like my entire being was filled with light. It was a magnification of what I feel all of the time when I am around him, but the intensity of that moment has stayed with me. This isn't the first time it's happened, and I am sure that my prose is not doing it justice. But it feels to me like a blessing from God Himself. A reminder that I am his child and that He wants me to be blissfully happy and fulfilled. And it is only when passing through the more trying times of life where those periods of happiness can be fully comprehended and appreciated.

Thus, I wish little hints of joy for you all...

Well, since it's now in writing...

I feel like I am safe in saying that I have procured a new job. One that does not involve answering phones and dealing with belligerent and crazy transients. One that actually utilizes and appreciates the fact that I have a brain. Oh yeah, and it pays better too.

Gotta love blessings in disguise.

happiness...

one of my favorite bloggers, taza, has been doing a lovely series on her blog called "here's to happiness." it's consisted of a number of posts of lists from her readers concerning what makes them happy, and it's been so lovely and uplifting to read them. so i decided i would post the list i sent to her on my blog, to spread the sunshine even more. because seriously, it feels good to be happy.

10 things that make me happy...

1. reading books aloud in bed with my husband
2. peonies (especially the pink ones)
3. a long walk during a summer evening
4. when my husband speaks to me in italian (it's quite romantic, i won't lie)
5. the smell after a spring rainstorm
6. a hot dog during a baseball game
7. a good book enjoyed under the shade of a tall tree
8. laying in that place where the surf meets the sand and feeling the sun's warm rays
9. "dancing it out" to records in my apartment with my lover (aka husband)
10. spending time with my incredible family